omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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