why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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