he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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