Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
