he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
