thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
