You're so nebulous sometimes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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