now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize