Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
