Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
