I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
