You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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