so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
