I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he fucked my hip out of place.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
