I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
