just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
false alarm, still single
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize