first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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