I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
