im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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