this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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