i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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