there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
