I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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