You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
