No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
