a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
