You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
