I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
