so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
