I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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