just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
