you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
