I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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