I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
