Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize