So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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