so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize