I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
