I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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