She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
