My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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