Rock
Scissors
Fuck
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
