I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
