I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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