she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
