my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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