Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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