I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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