Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
