Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Best friends brother. Beat that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
