Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
id be glad to
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I want to be your penis for a week.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize