Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
