3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Enjoy the penises
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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