she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
