I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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