Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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