I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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