We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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