They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
