Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
