ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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