He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
