it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
