how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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