Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
