maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
