I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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