I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
