Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
