the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
