you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
