I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
