haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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