My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
